Love in the time of Corona
Hi, my name is Chloe and I’m a dating consultant.
In many parts of the world, Coronavirus is wreaking havoc on people’s lives. Businesses are temporarily closing, parts of the world have been quarantined, people are starting to self-quarantine, and everyone is a bit wary. I’ve had several clients contact me to vent about dates being canceled because of the virus or to complain about being separated from a newly budding relationship. They feel that it’s making dating, especially online dating, impossible. They all want advice on what they should do, because for some reason they assume I have some magic wand that’ll make dating in the time of Corona doable… and they’re right. I have cabinets full of magic wands, because I’m fucking fantastic.
I don’t think that dating can necessarily be made easier when most people are quarantining themselves in their homes, and are distinctly disinterested in kissing acquaintances in public places, but it can certainly be more meaningful.
Do you guys know how I met my boyfriend? Probably not, but those of you who’ve read my Your Person blog know that I’m a huge fan of my man. Seriously though, we just genuinely love the shit out of each other. Humor me while I tell you the story of how we got started.
I live in NYC, but my family lives in Florida. When I met my boyfriend, I had recently flown down to Florida because someone in my family was having a life-threatening health crisis. At the time, I was casually dating this guy I’ll call Justin. I had to cancel a date with Justin because I was sitting in a waiting room of the hospital waiting to find out if my family member was going to survive. Justin was an asshole about the situation… like, he was a true blue prick about the whole thing. I told him to fuck off, and then continued to stare desperately at the door waiting for a doctor to tell me if my relative was going to make it. A few minutes later, a rather loud DING broke the silence of the waiting room, and I looked down to see that I had a new message on the dating app I was on. I responded to it just to distract myself, and we started texting back and forth. We ended up talking on the phone for an hour. He kept me company and showed me so.much.kindness on one of the most terrifying days of my life.
We talked the next day, and the next, and the next. We talked about life, love, happiness, and hardships. We talked about our hopes and our dreams, our pet peeves and our favourite things in the world. We told each other stories about our childhoods. We shared our most intimate and painful memories with each other. We were vulnerable with each other in a way neither of us had ever been vulnerable before. With him, this man I had never touched or kissed or shared a space with, I was laughing harder than I had ever laughed, logging 6+hrs on the phone at a time, and eventually falling asleep to the sound of his breathing. We watched movies together on the phone, we cooked dinner together on the phone, we played games together on the phone, we made up games on the phone. We introduced each other to our friends on the phone. We fell in love on the phone. I was in Florida for faaaaaar longer than either of us preferred, but oh man, we fell hard. I knew that I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone before we shared our first kiss. Was it always fun? Nah man, it was really hard sometimes. Was it always easy? Of course not. Was it always meaningful? Absofuckinglutely.
Do you want my advice? Don’t take a break from dating, give meaningful dating a try. Enjoy getting to know each other. You’ll be shocked at how quickly you can determine compatibility from a 1hr conversation vs. weeks of dating. Have a virtual date, eat dinner together and watch a movie on Netflix. Play video games together, or use apps like Draw Something or Scrabble to hang out with each other. Play 20 questions, Nuclear Winter, or Shark Tank together. It’ll give you a good sense of her personality, sense of humor, intelligence, and interests.
The Coronavirus crisis is difficult, and isolation is the pitts, I get it- but it doesn’t mean that you have to lose connection with the people in your life, lose contact with the world, or put yourself in unsafe social situations. It may seem counter-intuitive, but when all you have is a voice on the phone it’s a lot easier to get a glimpse of the soul of a person than when you’re distracted by sex and social activities. You can get intimate without rubbing your genitals against each other, and trust me, the genital rubbing is gonna be SO GOOD after the long buildup.
If you’re stuck in your house and not getting any matches, hit me up and I’ll fix up your profile or help you connect with the ladies. You can also read testimonials of previous clients, or get a giftcard for a friend.
*The fourth part of my Sex Series will be up next week. I thought this would be a bit more relevant given the situation of the world.
Stay safe out there guys!