Never Run When You’re Scared: Advice For Finding the Woman of Your Dreams and Surviving Various Bear Attacks — Dating Advice by Chloe

What would happen if I wrote my weekly blog high AF (on prescribed meds for a temporary & legitimate reason)? Buckle up buttercup because we’re about to find out!!

  • DON’T be her puppy. Don’t grovel, she’s not looking for the President of her fan club, she’s looking for a date with a engaging partner. Don’t compliment her appearance excessively. If she’s attractive, she gets hit on all the time. You want to be the guy that’s different. Supplication is never going to work here, if you make it clear that YOU think she’s too good for you, she’ll probably follow your lead. She’s not a fairy princess, she’s just a person. Talk to her like one.
  • DO treat her like a human being. There’s a lot of toxic advice out there encouraging guys to ignore women they’re attracted to. It’s bullshit, but there is a (very) small grain of truth. The reason it’s easier to talk to women you aren’t interested in is because you treat them like a person instead of some woodland nymph. Women get objectified by the men they’re dating, like, all the time. Do you know what they don’t get? Conversations about their favourite Doctor, or their stance on whether or not Samwise Gamgee had wet dreams about Frodo’s tiny Hobbit asshole…. Or, you know, whatever she likes to talk about.
    Focus on her interests instead of her appearance. (He totally did though, right? And Frodo knew about it, too. No one can convince me that Frodo didn’t know Samwise wanted dat ass.. I told you guys, don’t supplicate! Samwise was Frodo’s puppy. Don’t be Samwise.)
  • DON’T project your own insecurities onto her. Just because you think she’s too attractive to be interested in you DOES NOT mean that she’s too attractive to be interested in you. Let’s do a meditative exercise: I want you to take a few deep breaths, close your eyes, and imagine that you could be with whatever woman you wanted. You’d probably immediately start fucking the hottest girl you could find. It’d be great… for a while. As my 4th favorite uncle would say, “Show me a hot girl and I’ll show you a man that’s tired of fucking her.” It would eventually get old, you would eventually want to spend your time with someone you actually enjoy the company of. She’d still be beautiful, but she probably wouldn’t be the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen. This is the process that attractive women go through. Sure, they fuck some super hot dudes, but eventually they realize they want something more. If you could have anything that you want, you’re going to choose what best meets your needs. I want a guy that’s witty, clever, kind, and eats pussy like it’s the last meal he’ll ever have. Of course I want to be attracted to him, but I don’t need him to be the most attractive man in the world. I don’t care if hotter guys hit on me, I want the guy I can share my life with.
  • DO bring high grade bear mace with you to parks, woodland trails, and nature preserves. You thought the bear jokes were over? Guess again honey! Oh fuck, the honey attracted A HUGE FUCKING BEAR AND IT’S RUNNING RIGHT AFTER YOU! Did you run? Whoa man, you stood your ground? Noice! But in this instance, that was a terrible move because it was a Grizzly Bear and now it’s eating you because you should have been playing dead. Unfortunately, sometimes metaphors about bravery don’t apply universally to all situations…especially when it comes to bears! Play dead with Grizzly’s, fight for your life against Black Bears, and let’s work together to save the Polar Bears.



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Advice by Chloe

Dating consultant who got her start on Reddit. I write about dating and relationships and I’m always trying to make dating easier for dudes.