Part 2: Ask and You Shall Receive (or not… but still ask)

Last week was the start of a four-part blog series on sex. In the first part, we talked about how to transition from the date to your apartment. Next week we’ll talk about foreplay, but first we need to tackle the sexiest topic of them all: consent. If you want to play the Pants-Off-Dance-Off it’s always a good idea to go over the rules first. Consent can be tricky and a little ambiguous at times, but for your safety and hers, you should always be 100% certain that both of you are interested and ready to do the do before any doing gets done. Feel me?

I’m of the belief that it isn’t necessary to ask permission to kiss or touch your partner, as long as you’re sure she’s into it. When the evening goes from making out to sex, though, you should ask the question. You don’t need to do it like a medical professional. You can make it sexy… but always wait for her response before you proceed. However, there is one exception to this rule: even if she says yes, don’t have first-time sex when she’s drunk.

There is no situation in which it’s a good idea to have sex with her when she’s intoxicated. You are just getting to know her. You don’t know what her alcohol tolerance is, what her boundaries are, or the kind of person she is. Even if she’s an active participant and is clearly trying to buy a ticket to pound town, DON’T HAVE SEX WITH HER. The only two people in the room when you guys had sex are the two of you. If she wakes up in the morning with no memory of what happened, a he-said-she-said scenario will be your worst nightmare. Obviously, don’t rape people — but even if it was 100% consensual, don’t allow yourself to be in such a vulnerable position with someone you don’t know very well.

Assuming that she’s not wasted, trust her body language. If her body stiffens at your touch, she doesn’t want you to touch her. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like you, it just means she isn’t ready to make the relationship sexual. You should treat her nonverbal cues as a ‘no’. If she says no, then stop. “No” does not mean “convince me”, it does not mean “maybe” or “wait 5 minutes and try again”. If at any point she tells you to stop, the only appropriate response is to stop.

I’ve noticed that in several conversations with my clients, there seems to be an assumption that women need to be convinced to have sex with you. I’m here to dispel that myth: YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO CONVINCE HER TO FUCK YOU. Girls like sex, man. We like it a lot. Don’t assume she’s some delicate princess at the top of a tower and you’re trying to lure her down into your fornication cave. She’s not a princess, and even if she is, princess’s be fucking. Sex is kinda what the whole royal linage is dependent on. You’re a grown-ass man and she’s a grown-ass woman. If you both want to have sex, then you should. If one of you is hesitant, be respectful of each other’s boundaries. Are there girls who will pretend to be unsure because they want you to beg for it? Sure… but do you really want to be with someone who is incapable of being honest with you? Your answer should be a resounding no.

Sex doesn’t have to be taboo, it’s a natural part of adult relationships. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. Before you stick your dick in her, ask. It’s really as simple as that. If you’re interested in checking out my services, getting a gift card for a friend, or r eading what other people have been saying about me, hit me up!

Cheers,

Chloe

AdviceByChloe.com

Originally published at https://www.advicebychloe.com on February 20, 2020.

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Dating consultant who got her start on Reddit. I write about dating and relationships and I’m always trying to make dating easier for dudes. AdvicebyChloe.com

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Advice by Chloe

Dating consultant who got her start on Reddit. I write about dating and relationships and I’m always trying to make dating easier for dudes. AdvicebyChloe.com