Phone Sex

Have you been trapped in your house for a month? Starting to feel desperate for some stimulation? Any stimulation? Getting a little too excited when the shower curtain brushes up against you? Yeah, me too. There’s a global pandemic going on, social distancing is important for everyone’s safety… but, man oh man, am I horny. The solution: phone sex. Until recently, I hadn’t had phone sex since I was a teenager whispering awkwardly to my then-boyfriend about how I thought his “thing” was “really handsome”… yeah, I know. It was awful, I didn’t get off, he barely got off, and both of us were left rather unimpressed with the whole experience. As an adult a few boyfriends have suggested it, but it’s never been my thing. I love sex, I love conversation… but combining the two has never been a comfortable experience for me- until now. I hired someone on Reddit to teach me how to master the art of phone-boning last week! It left me feeling confident, turned on, and excited to put my new skills into practice. Luckily for you, I took a lot of notes. Let’s talk about phone sex.

Phone sex is so…. vulnerable. When you’re having sex with a person, you’re creating the experience together. If you try something they don’t respond to, you switch to something else. You have access to their body language, the way they respond to your touch, and vocalizations. Their responsiveness dictates your actions. The two of you (or three of you…or four… I don’t know your life) are working together to create something incredible. With phone sex, you lose almost all of those cues. All you have is each other’s voices. If I start to describe my fantasy of being fucked against the Mark Twain section of my university library, and my partner sounds less than enthused, I’ll be mortified. The leap of faith required to talk about your desires to someone else is huge… or at least it felt that way- until the day I decided to take matters into my own hands. I went to Reddit, the land of endless possibilities, and I messaged someone who appeared to be rather skilled in the art of phonication (see what I did there?) in the Phone Sex subreddit.

We’ve had three lessons so far, and omg I have learned so much. Let’s go over the things I found to be most helpful:

  1. The Importance of Phrasing: The difference between “I want to put your dick in my mouth” and “I want to wrap my lips around your cock and savor the taste of you” is huge. There’s a major difference between “I want to go down on you” and “I want to gently lick your clit and then devour your pussy like it was my last meal.”
  2. Yes, And: The most helpful tool my cellular sultress taught me was the concept of “yes, and…” It’s an improv tool and it will make phone sex SO.MUCH.LESS.INTIMDATING. The biggest struggle I had was trying to think of something sexy to say on the spot. The second problem was how to respond to the things my partner was saying. I learned to solve both of them by reflecting back to my partner what he had just said, and then adding onto it. For example, if he said, “Do you want me to put my cock in your mouth?” my response could be, “I want to feel your dick pushing up against the back of my throat while you’re playing with my pussy.” Whereas before my lessons, my response would have been, “yes, I really want that’’. It’s boring and it doesn’t really give anything back to your partner. In this way, we’re creating our experience together. We’re showing each other where we’d like this to go, which gives both of us the ability to adjust accordingly.
  3. Enjoy it: It’s important to relax and enjoy yourself. If you’re feeling a little anxious, getting yourself revved up before the call through some sexting, photo exchange, or edging yourself will help. When you’re turned on the desire will be obvious in your voice, which will turn on your partner. Be vocal. Let her know that she’s turning you on by vocalizing your pleasure through words or moans. This was a big one for me. I would get so stressed out about trying to think of what to say, that I would stop touching myself and start treating it like a job instead of something that’s supposed to feel good.
  4. Keep it Simple: In the beginning, keep it simple. As you start to gain more confidence, feel free to get creative, but don’t throw in any role-play or kinks unless the two of you have talked about it first.
  5. Use Technology to Your Advantage: Exchange photos (please please please don’t give nude photos of yourself to people you don’t trust, and NEVER give nudes to ANYONE with your face in them. Safety first guys), use video chat, or send audio clips beforehand to build each other up. It will increase the quality of the experience and take pressure off of trying to create a narrative solely from verbalization. It’s basically porn created just for you; what’s better than that?

Stay out of your head, relax, and enjoy the experience. You don’t have to create the narrative all by yourself; create one together. Give her plenty of opportunities to contribute to the fantasy the two of you are making, and go with the flow (literally). It’s not as scary as it seems, I promise, and practice makes perfect. I used to be terrified of phone sex, but after a little bit of practice I’m feeling pretty damn pleased with myself… and from the sounds on the other end of the phone I’m pretty sure my partner is pleased with me too.

If you’d like help with online dating during a time of social distancing, connecting with a lady you’re interested in, or getting a gift-card for a friend- hit me up! Check out my testimonials while you’re at it ;)

Cheers,

Chloe

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Advice by Chloe

Dating consultant who got her start on Reddit. I write about dating and relationships and I’m always trying to make dating easier for dudes. AdvicebyChloe.com