Psychology, Marketing, Economics, and Online Dating
I’m that annoying girl everyone hates. I’m endlessly curious, unforgivably studious, and I read textbooks for fun. I love research. I love the logic of it, the organization, the control. It’s the best game in the world. It’s predictable, but incredibly unique. The same components exist in most experiments, but they come together to tell a million different stories — just like games.
I love designing an experiment as much as I love designing my 37 connected settlements in Fallout 4. I love finding patterns, controlling for unexpected variables, and the excitement of successfully replicating results… I get lost in it. It’s my happy place.
My ever-so-patient friends would tell you I turn everything into research. I’m obsessively organized, and I have hundreds of carefully kept notes for D&D and most of the video games I play. I have a long and complicated organizational system for how I alternate between questing and leveling up in my favorite grinding game (Old School RuneScape).
Some may say that my way of living takes the fun out of things, but to me, most of the fun is in the planning.
It’s Like Weird Economics
I approach my dating consultation business just like I approach everything else in my life — with an obsessive amount of research. The advice I provide has never fallen into the ‘just have confidence in yourself and women will throw their panties at you’ category. Instead, it’s actionable and research-based. For once in my life, the way I see the world isn’t a quirk my friends tolerate — it’s actually helpful to people.
My goal is to show the machinery behind the curtain and to teach you to view dating as a system. We can understand how it works if we understand the components and how they interact with each other. In short, dating is all about psychology, marketing, and economics.
The easiest example of this is supply and demand. To put it simply, as the supply of something increases, the value given to any given piece of the supply begins to decrease. It’s an important concept in the market economy — and it affects most aspects of our lives. It affects how we shop for produce in the grocery store, how much we’re willing to pay for the newest iPhone, and how we date. Economy is everything.
30 Dudes Walk Into a Bar…
Say you’re in a bar and you approach an attractive woman and ask for her number. Whether you realize it or not, the other options available to her will impact how she responds to you. If there are 15 other guys in the bar and you’re in the top five that she finds most attractive, she’s more likely to respond positively to you than when there are 30 guys and you’re in the bottom five. You didn’t change, she didn’t change, but her options changed.
The problem with online dating is that there’s an endless supply of dudes. If you’re an attractive girl, you’re going to get up to 50 likes a day. Women tend to be more lazy about online dating than men, and we’re also a lot more picky — because we have to be.
Think about it like a job interview. You’re interviewing 50 candidates for a position, and you have a stack of their resumes in front of you. Even if every candidate is equally qualified for the position, has the same amount of experience, and great references, you aren’t going to hire all of them — you’re going to search for ways to narrow down the number.
You’ll get rid of people because you don’t like the font they used, how they articulated their skills, and because they have the same name as your brother-in-law and you fucking hate that guy. You’re getting rid of resumes for stupid reasons because you can’t hire 50 people — and this is what girls will do to you.
Women are actively looking for a reason to swipe left in order to decrease the number of guys they have to talk to. They may swipe left if you mention that you love rock concerts and they aren’t into rock music — even though the possibility of rock music having a major impact on your relationship is minimal. They’ll swipe left if there’s a discrepancy between your most attractive photo and your least attractive photo because they don’t know what you actually look like. They’ll swipe left on you for a million stupid reasons, because they need to narrow down their matches.
If you want to survive the culling, you need to learn how to market yourself.
How To Market Yourself
Every single one of your photos should be showing off your best features. There should be no discrepancy between your most attractive and least attractive photos; you should look consistent.
Your bio should be broad enough to appeal to almost everyone, and should avoid including anything that will decrease your audience. For example, instead of saying, “I love rock concerts” you could say, “Always down for a concert.” Some people hate rock, but everyone likes music. Your bio should maintain the qualities that make it uniquely you — but articulated in a way that makes you marketable to a wide audience.
After you’ve matched with her, your job is to get her attention by using techniques that will compel her to respond to you — and once you’ve done that, you need to charm the ever living hell out of her and get her off of the app and onto a date ASAP.
You’re directly competing against tons of other guys, and some of them will be more attractive, more successful, or have more in common with her than you. Ultimately, that doesn’t matter as long as you can charm her. Most girls will consistently ignore the most attractive guy for the guy they have a connection with.
Dating can seem chaotic and unpredictable, like some complex strategy game your best friend convinced you to play when you’re too drunk to understand the rules. If you take the time to understand the system and how it works, you can develop strategies to succeed… or you could always reach out to someone who studies psychology and marketing for fun, and she’ll totally help you out.
It’s me. I’m talking about me.
Originally published at https://www.advicebychloe.com on October 8, 2019.