A few hours ago I was trying to figure out what to write about in my blog this week. I was in my pjs (to be honest, I still am. Doctor Who tank top with Harry Potter bottoms. I am one classy motherfucker.) playing Red Dead Redemption Online with friends, and I asked the group of guys I was gaming with what they hate most about dating. The resounding answer was the ambiguity surrounding when a guy should give up and move on. It makes sense, I’ve had dozens of clients ask me when they should move on, so let’s talk about it.
Step One: Recognize when she’s just not that into you.
- If she responds to you incredibly slowly, you are her backup. She likes someone else better, or she only remembers you when she’s bored. It’s possible for you to steal the lead from the other guy, but the likelihood of this decreases by the hour. If she’s still responding super slowly after a week, it’s not going to happen man.
- She always has an excuse as to why she can’t commit to plans with you. You are either her backup or she is not interested in you. Girls can be wishy washy about rejection. She may say things like, “Life just got crazy” or “Oh man, I wish I could but I just promised Karen that I’d help bathe her iguana.”. What she really means is, “I’m not interested in you but I’m too much of a pussy to say it out loud, so I’m going to keep being super vague about it and hope you give up and stop asking me out.”
- She stopped responding to you. She’s either super busy and has forgotten about you (which means that her interest in you is adequate at best), or she’s ghosting you.
Step Two: Accept that she’s just not that into you
- There wasn’t a freak accident that led to her losing all ability to use the internet, her phone, her tablets, her computer, or access to public WiFi. If you can contact her, she could contact you if she wanted to. For whatever reason, she decided not to. No answer is your answer.
- Repeatedly disappearing for periods of time and then popping back into your life, only to disappear again for days/months at a time is a shitty thing to do. She isn’t too busy to talk to you, she has decided that you are not a priority in her life, and she is keeping you around for companionship when she is bored. You’re more than that, and you deserve better than her.
- She isn’t too busy to date you, she just doesn’t want to. If she rejects plans without coordinating with you for a better time/day, she’s just not that into you.
Step Three: Move on
- Don’t confuse rumination with problem solving. If you are torturing yourself by going over your interactions with her over and over again, you are ruminating. It isn’t helpful, it isn’t healthy, and it will never lead to catharsis. Problem solve instead. Look for patterns in your interactions with women who have rejected you. It’s definitely possible that you’re unintentionally doing/saying something that’s turning them off, but be solution-focused about it.
- Don’t allow yourself to become some assholes’ puppy dog because you’re too scared to let her go and move on. She’s never going to give you want you’re looking for, but she may keep you around to give her attention when she’s feeling low. You’re better than that, and to be honest, she sounds like a cunt. I promise you that her pussy isn’t made out of gold, let the illusion of her go. You can’t make it happen. It was never going to happen.
- She wasn’t into you, for whatever reason, but that doesn’t mean that the next girl won’t be crazy about you. Rejection stings like a bitch, but don’t let it stop you from moving on in pursuit of something better.