Why Girls Ghost: an unplanned case study

Advice by Chloe
5 min readMar 30, 2020

Why do girls ghost? It’s rude, frustrating, and it leads to confusion and hurt feelings. It sucks to match with a girl who never responds to your messages, or to have a few conversations with someone who ultimately disappears without warning. This blog isn’t intended to excuse or defend ghosting. It’s an unkind thing to do. However, I will explain why so many women are tempted to ghost instead of politely telling you they aren’t interested. To put it simply: lots of dudes be dicks, y’all.

I have been called every insult imaginable on dating platforms (most girls have). I’ve been called a btich, cunt, whore, chink, etc… for the unforgivable crime of politely turning down guys I didn’t feel a connection with. In my experience it happens about 50% of the time. Fifty Percent of the Time. As a female, I get tired of being called a cunt because I’m not interested in sleeping with someone. It’s so much easier to ghost or unmatch in order to avoid being called a slew of insults.

I’ll give you a recent example and the inspiration for this blog: yesterday I logged into a dating app for the purpose of deleting it. I’ve been meaning to for some time now because I haven’t used it in months, but it’s just one of those things you forget about until your phone starts yelling at you about running out of space. Anyways, I opened up the app and a match immediately popped up. I accidentally swiped on him in my attempt to press the home button to get to my profile settings. I then sent him a message explaining that I swiped on him by accident while trying to get rid of the app, and apologized. He called me a “goofy ass bitch” and a few other names I can’t remember. I unmatched him, deleted the app, and forgot about it. Simple enough, right? Oh no… oh no no no no.

Fast forward to about 15 minutes later. The fucker found me. He started spamming the Contact Me section of my website, making up various names, and within the course of 7 minutes had sent me four messages calling me a “goofy ass bitch”, a “bubble head”, a “little boy”, a “cunt”, and a “midget”. Clearly, his prose is admirable, and so is his persistence. Over the past 24 hrs he’s sent me 9 messages through my website, and upgraded to harassing me on Reddit. The insults also went from being rather funny, if not irritating, to pretty racist… then he started trying to hurt my business by posting to my subreddit claiming that I’m going bankrupt and something about my parents having dirty underwear. Yes, I know, his maturity is astounding. Thankfully, he’s also a fucking idiot because while most of the harrassment came from a throwaway he’s now deleted, he accidentally sent one from his main account. I’ve told him that if he messages me again I’ll report his account to Reddit. Tbh, I kinda hope he gets IP banned.

Do you know what sucks the most about this experience? It’s just kinda eh. Yeah, it’s frustrating. I’m pretty pissed that he tried to fuck with my business (which is thriving btw… turns out that people being stuck at home is great for online businesses). Ultimately, though, I’m underwhelmed. I’ve been called a bitch, cunt, whore, chink, etc… so many times that it’s just kind of background noise now. I mean, the “goofy ass midget bitch” insult is new, but the sentiment is not. Women on dating apps are harassed on the daily. We ghost because sometimes we’re not in the fuckin mood to be called a cunt, and unfortunately that happens far too often.

Knowledge is power. You’ll have better rates of success if you give her the ability to safely say not yet. Instead of asking for her number, give her yours and tell her that you’d love to switch to text whenever she’s ready. A lot of girls will ghost because they aren’t ready to give you their number when asked, even if they like you- because they don’t want to tell you not yet and get attacked. By putting the power in her hands, you’ll make her feel more safe. On the same token, if you’re asking her out fairly quickly, be sure to include a caveat that allows her to feel safe saying not yet. “Hey, I’ve really enjoyed talking to you. I haven’t had this much fun on Tinder in ages. I know it’s early, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but would you like to grab a cup of coffee tomorrow?” This way, if her answer is “I like you, but I’m not ready yet” she will communicate that to you rather than ghost you.

I doubt anyone reading this would call a girl names because she wasn’t interested in you, but unfortunately you bear the brunt of the consequences. It’s not fair to you that girls are more likely to ghost than decline, and it’s not fair to us that declining usually means we get insulted. It’s a cycle of suckery and everyone loses. On a more positive note, this goofy ass midget bitch is surviving the quarantine with an ABANDONED TEENY TINY ADORABLE NEWBORN PUPPY THAT I FOUND. Her name is Cami and she is my best friend.

Stay safe out there guys! If you want to work on your dating profile, increase your match rates, or learn how to date during the quarantine, hit me up. Cami and I would be happy to help!

*I’m postponing the final part of my Sex Series until after COVID19 because it feels kinda irresponsible to encourage people to have sex with acquaintances atm. Don’t be fuckin ppl unless they’re quarantined in the house with you!



Cami the Puppy



Advice by Chloe

Dating consultant who got her start on Reddit. I write about dating and relationships and I’m always trying to make dating easier for dudes. AdvicebyChloe.com